Every glass ceiling is broken?

In a recent ABC special, actor Will Smith is captured as saying, “If the leader of the free world is African American, then every glass ceiling is broken.”  I agree that the inauguration of Barack Obama marks a remarkable moment in US history, but I don’t agree that ‘every’ glass ceiling is broken.  It is a milestone and a major victory, but it is not the end of all inequality as we know it.  For the oppression of women, which began all the way back at the beginning of time at the fall, continues today.

Women are still paid less for the same job as men.  They are still treated as inferior even when they are not.  Just the other day, I was sitting down with two women who are both engineers, and they both shared stories about bosses who made inappropriate requests of them.  One of them said that her boss asked her and the other women in their group to pick up dry-cleaning for him, re-type some notes for him and choose the team shirts.  These are things that he has never and would never ask the male engineers on the team.  And female professionals are treated like this everyday.  Even with Equal Employment Opportunity Managers  in place in large companies, women are often reluctant to speak up, undesirous of making things uncomfortable for themselves in their work environment.  Most of all, they fear that they might lose their jobs if they speak up.  Some of them figure they’ll just wait til the “old boys club” retire and die off… which won’t be for another 10-15 years — at least, in the work world.  That’s a long time to wait, but at least, there’s an end in sight.

In the church, however, I’m afraid it may take longer as hierarchy and inequality are passed down in mainstream Christian churches as though it were the only Biblical interpretation of God’s view of women.  Young people, spurred on by the teachings of John Piper, Mark Driscoll and John MacArthur, have taken up the banner of inequality by making big black sharpie defined roles for men and women in the home and in the church.  Women are one way, men are the other.  Men are made to be leaders, women to be followers.  Men are to be kings in the home and women are to be submissive.   They say that men and women are equal, they just have different roles.  In other words, they are equal but separate – “Separate but equal.”  Such use of semantics has obscured, for the majority of Christians, the actual inequality behind such teachings.  According to hierarchicalists, women aren’t permitted to take up leadership roles in the church (pastoral positions are only given to men).  If a woman has teaching and preaching gifts, she is relegated to teach women and children only — as if somehow the Word of God and Holy Spirit in her is rendered invalid when falling on male ears.  Hierarchicalists believe that women’s rightful place is in the home and her highest calling is to be a wife and mother – even if she was a high executive with intelligent skills and incredible gifts which allow her to contribute to the world significantly before she was married.  And if a husband and wife disagree about a decision, she is to defer to his decision.  He has the veto power.  If this isn’t inequality, I don’t know what is.

But I believe this is truly a battle for men.  When men are willing to give up their positions, then will there be true equality.  Most of us who have ever tried to fight for equality realize that people who are in power will not give up their powerful positions when they feel like they have nothing to gain but everything to lose.  If only men would realize that they lose everything – everything – when they seek to silence and suppress the Holy Spirit’s gifting and calling upon women.  The whole church suffers.  When they realize this, the battle will be fought — and won.

Hopeful for a radical change in babywear

Dear Carters Staff,

I am a new parent. And as we have been shopping for clothes for our baby, my husband and I have noticed that there’s a very definitive line drawn in the sand: blues are for boys and pinks are for girls. Who says that blue has to be for boys? We both love the color blue and want to buy girl clothes and non-gender specific clothes that are in blues, but we have not been able to find them. Everything blue is geared toward a boy. I found myself trying to find clothes in red, thinking that it would be more gender-neutral (after all, red could go either way, right?), but red clothes are usually mixed with navy blue and have trucks and fire engines on them and meant for boys. (Why can’t shirts with fire trucks on them be for girls too?)

We are both crazy about Carter’s clothes. They are so soft to the touch and most of the items are absolutely adorable! We are loyal consumers. However, we would really appreciate seeing more clothes that can have more flexibility and could be for a boy or for a girl. We have other couple-friends who are parents who feel the same way. We would like our children to grow up knowing that they can be whatever they want to be — for our daughters, especially, that they know that there aren’t ‘boys-only’ gender roles that they are restricted from. Girls can be action heroes too and not have to sit pretty and be princesses if they don’t want to be.

Thanks for reading,
Mary Ann

Revision

I think there’s nothing more important than revision. When God matures us and leads us to a new vision or better understanding, we must revise our way of thinking even if it’s a complete embarrassment to ourselves. Looking back on my life, I can see so many times when I was sure of a thing and then it turned out differently. I don’t have regrets about following Him down those paths because of the lessons I learned as a result of them, but it’s funny how in the end, it was not as I was so convicted about.

For example, having an egalitarian view for marriage and the church is completely different than what I had taught and been so convinced about for so long. Only a few years ago, you would find me teaching that men should lead and women should follow. I taught it quite passionately — but even so, what always bothered me was that it always required so much defending. I saw the difficulty in the position when it came to couples who didn’t fit the mold. What about couples where the wife is the more naturally gifted leader and the husband, the follower? “Well,” it was explained to me, “the wife needs to hold back and give the husband a chance to lead.” That sounded all right to me theoretically (after all, the wife has the opportunity to ‘deny herself’), but in practical terms, I saw that it just meant that the wife would continue to come up with the ideas and visions and then have to prod and persuade her husband toward those ideas. It becomes a subtle game of manipulation as she convinces him that something was his idea, because if she were to remain silent (in order to not lead), then they would not go anywhere. But as I have seen it, the wife rarely stays silent in this situation. The reality is that most couples end up having a more egalitarian marriage than they would profess. It just wouldn’t work if pure hierarchy was the modus operandi. God really gave women brains, gifts and visions — and without her voicing them, a couple could really miss out on God’s will.

I can see though how despite encountering these real-life obstructions to the complementarian mindset, revision might not take place. When I think of a Christian community which I was involved with for many years, I just think of how its culture is built on the hierarchical way of life, and if things were to change, it could cause the whole structure to crumble.

To revise when God gives you new revelation requires true humility and courage. It means you have to admit you were wrong somewhere — and it means you need courage to step forward in a whole new direction.

But not all revisions have to be the radical opposite of what you believe. It could just be something different.

Like foster parenting. In this past year, God has made aware to my husband and me His call to us to care for those orphans which He speaks so frequently about in the Scriptures – specifically, through becoming foster parents. This, however, is nothing at all what I had ever pictured for myself when I was growing up. Similar to everyone else, I had imagined getting married and having biological children in due course. Being called to take this divergent track has thrown me for a loop. Major revisions have been in order as I have had to realize that we will have a baby for a long while whom we will not be able to ‘keep’ for life (because our foster child may be reunified with his/her biological parents). In addition to that, we will have supervised visits with the biological parents (the thought of which hovers over me as an uncomfortable Unknown). And the most disruptive, unexpected part of it all is that while we we will have this incredible new life enter our lives (a baby! we’re so excited about having a baby!), our families will not really be accepting of it. We will be experiencing something major and exciting, in a radical and breathtaking sort of way — alone. It’s so disappointing to me how alone I have felt on this journey. Everyone naturally rallies around a pregnant woman, offering gifts and services, but only a very small handful have chosen to come alongside us to cheer us on in this. And those do not include the people most important to us — our parents. The reality, though, has helped me understand another important aspect of new visions: when revision has to take place, it has to take place not only within ourselves but in the community around us as well. But what do you do when others don’t revise? I think you just have to move forward in obedience to the Lord and wait patiently for them.

Authentic blogging?

I’ve been disenchanted with blogging recently, having the same sort of feeling about blogging as I had in my single days toward a boy after the passion had cooled and we had become distanced and estranged. I’ve been wary of coming near it but still had a nagging feeling that I’m not yet ready to walk away completely. I want to write candidly and unapologetically about the issues that burn in my heart and tear at its tissues without having to equivocate, adjust or soften my words or convictions. But when it comes to blogging, there’s a high price to pay for true authenticity. You either write with scathing honesty and lose your audience (and therefore your reason for blogging) or write for your audience and lose your message (and therefore your purpose in blogging). Of course, there’s the hoped-for middle ground where you are able to write carefully, gently and charismatically enough that even those who disagree will continue to read and inch slowly toward agreement — but is that really possible? Can revolutions be won through gentle step-by-step stepping such as this — or must one be in-your-face burning with passion?

Unfortunately, I feel so strongly about the issues I feel most convinced about (Jesus as the only way, Missions as the best career choice, Biblical Equality as God’s ideal for men and women, and taking care of the orphans as “true religion”) that it’s hard for me to rein in my passions well enough as to actually avoid making some kind of offense before I’m able to succeed at any gentle prodding. So what’s a wannabe revolutionist to do? What do others do?

No excuse for racism

My husband and I are moving towards becoming foster parents. The problem is that this is not really normal within our conservative surroundings. In fact, some people think we’re crazy and insane… but the more we search God’s heart, the more we are certain that His heart beats for this very thing. As Christians, we often speak of how important it is to raise children with proper love, structure and biblical teaching. It makes sense that as bearers of the Truth, we should be the ones to take in ‘other’ children in order to give them these very essentials. Why should we leave to those who do not know God to be the ones who are fostering and adopting? Should we not seize every opportunity to multiply His image? As Christians, we are so pro-life and anti-abortion — but if we are expecting all these people to give birth to all these children, should we not also consider ways to take care of all these children? Being anti-abortion should mean being pro-adoption in my mind….

The opposition we have experienced is mostly driven by racism and preconceived notions of all the worse-case scenarios. I think the concept of inviting others into one’s home really challenges their core value of what ‘the family’ is. We are breaking up their idea of family. But we are hoping that, in the end, they will see that we are enlarging it.

When we follow God in our obedience, it is a joy and delight to us. However, our obedience costs others quite a bit because it challenges their thinking. But God has reminded us (via Oswald Chambers) that “He will look after those who have been pressed into the consequences of our obedience. We have simply to obey and to leave all consequences with Him.”

Meanwhile, I can’t help but feel angry at the reality that racism still exists. It bothers me that ‘tolerating’ others of a different race seems to be a tolerable thing to do, but embracing them and inviting them into one’s home and family is deemed downright insanity. The cruelty of seeing only the color of people’s skin burns me. Because we are in Christ, we are not supposed to regard others from a ‘worldly’ point of view any longer. In my opinion, anyone in Christ who is still racist is a hypocrite and has no excuse.

Slaves of all

My husband and I didn’t have anything planned for New Year’s eve, so we spent the evening reading our Bibles. While I was meditating on the passages I had read in the gospel of Mark, God brought me to a very remarkable realization – that those who exercise (abuse) ‘authority’ and lord it over others in a way that Jesus condemned (Mark 10:41-44) will be held accountable to him. In the last day, they will have to give account as to why they have misinterpreted and misapplied Scripture – and abused any ‘authority’ that he may or may not have given them. In reading the verse, ‘whoever wants to be first must be slave of all,’ I realized that those husbands who treat their wives as if their wives were their servants will be last in the kingdom of God. The wives will be first before their husbands, because they were truly the ’slaves of all.’ What a thrill to realize that God will bring about justice in all things in the last day.

“Bargained Away”

I had a dream last night that I was a young South Asian girl — about 9 years old. I was one of the younger ones among a large family. I had at least two older sisters and some brothers. In this dream, the man who was my father told me that he had made the arrangements for me to be married. I had been in and out of the room earlier when my father had been speaking to another man, bargaining back and forth. I thought they were arguing over a cow or some livestock. Now I knew they had been talking about me.

My father informed me that we were to be married the following Saturday — so I was getting less than a week’s notice. I felt like the room was closing in on me as the news burgeoned into full understanding, and the ceiling seemed to squish down upon me as this boy, my future husband, suddenly appeared at the door, waiting for me. We were having our first meeting right then.

I went to the nearby playground with the boy (it was really just a vacant lot which kids, through constant use, had made claims on it to be their own) and very quickly found him to be really self-centered, vindictive, egotistic, and mean. He spoke to me with an air of condescension, his eyes gazing tauntingly at me with all the immaturity of an 8 year old boy. I couldn’t believe that he was the one I was going to have to marry. From just those few minutes of interaction, I knew it would be a lifetime’s ingratiating servitude to an unmerciful patriarch (though, as a 9 year old in the dream, I wouldn’t have put it quite in those terms).

And if that wasn’t bad enough, toward the end of our initial meeting, he mentioned (almost boastfully) that I was to be his second wife, actually. His father had gotten him another wife, whom he was also marrying on Saturday. This last piece of news left me devastated. Not only had I not been given a choice, not only had my life been bargained away like I was property, not only would I be married to a selfish chauvinist, but I wouldn’t even have the honor and value of his fidelity or devotion. I felt like I was suffocating.

As soon as I got home, I told my father, “Did you know I am to be his second wife? He already has another wife!” I thought there might be a chance that he hadn’t known and that the new piece of knowledge would rescue me from this ill-fate.

My father’s face revealed that he hadn’t known. He had gotten such a great bargain for me that it had somehow successfully distracted him from the fact that his business arrangements would result in a reality that would be my life. I’m sure he really believed that he was giving me the better life by doing all this. But my heartbroken cries snapped him out of his daze. “Well, he hadn’t been clear about that but…I suppose he alluded…” Looking into my sorrowful eyes, he muttered, “I will talk to him about it.”

I sat on the chair despondently as my father disappeared into the other room. I knew that even if he talked to the man, even if the man had not told him the whole truth, none of these things would change the ending of my story. The deal had already been struck. My fate was already sealed. My elder sisters, who were shuffling about in the kitchen, looked down and looked away and said nothing. My father was sending my sisters to school. They had not been married off, so I had thought I would be saved from the fate that was the lot of every other girl in our neighborhood. So why was this happening to me? I didn’t know. I was stuck under this hierarchical system, and there was nothing I could do about it.

This is when I woke up from my dream… and realized that though I could wake up, there are many young and old women who can never wake up and escape from this nightmarish reality.

A Minister’s Husband

“You should learn how to play the piano or something… since you’ll be a minister’s wife someday.”

An older gentleman said this to me as we were walking along toward the Sunday school class, where my husband Sam and I were to share about our missionary experiences. When we were single, Sam and I had both individually heard God’s call and confirmation to be long-term missionaries, and both of us had taken steps of faith on short-term trips to answer that call. And though they had invited my husband to be the speaker that morning, as equal partners in all things, Sam of course wanted me to share my story as well. Sadly, the assumption was that Sam was the minister and I was the minister’s wife!

The gentleman’s comment left me dumbfounded and speechless. I wanted to laugh because it was so absurd and cry because I knew he wasn’t joking. It was assumed that because I was a married female, I was no longer a missionary (I was a missionary’s wife), and furthermore, there was no way I would be the minister — but the minister’s wife.

But God is not gender-biased. He gives spiritual gifts according to His sovereign prerogative. To me, He gave the gifts of teaching and shepherding. To Sam, He gave the gifts of service and music. So… in our family, if anybody was to be the piano player, it would be Sam, and if anybody were to be a minister’s spouse, it would be him. But a “minister’s husband”, whoever’s heard of that? As we move forward in proclaiming the message of Biblical equality, may a woman’s call to ministry be as readily accepted as a man’s.

Motherhood – one part of a whole

“While motherhood is a privilege that offers great joys and great challenges, it is important to remain clear about the fact that motherhood is one part of a whole life lived for kingdom purposes.” (Ruth Haley Barton)

This is such an incredibly significant insight. Motherhood is only ONE part of a whole life lived for Kingdom purposes. At least, it better be. God sees it that way. So ought we.

Some would have it that, “This is how God created you and it is your purpose for existing.” My whole purpose for existing? You’ve got to be kidding. I really have read this in many different forums (whether Christian devotions, articles, sermons, books) — and it has made me choke on my own spit.

If I’m a woman and don’t marry and don’t have babies, then what? If I’m married and can’t have babies, then what? Isn’t my purpose for existing to worship God and draw in other worshippers?

On reading some of the connotations of what motherhood ought to be (according to hierarchicalists), my refusal to fall prey to these restrictions has, sadly –for awhile, meant an aversion toward and an avoidance of motherhood. There’s been a bit of a wholesale rejection of motherhood, on my part, from the dread of being perceived merely as a Womb and Caretaker. If that’s all I’m gonna be, then I don’t wanna be that. Of course, there’s so much foolishness in this extremist reaction. Just because I don’t believe it is the (only) calling (for my life) doesn’t mean that it can’t be a calling (one of many) in my life. I can enjoy the privilege of motherhood without having to also endorse the hierarchical propaganda that this is my only purpose for existing. I can be a mom and a minister at the same time. I can love my children and they don’t have to be the center of my world. Christ can keep that place. And the revolution can still take place.

testing, testing… just thoughts on scatch paper

First thing’s first. I’m an egalitarian. I believe in Biblical equality. I believe that women can be pastors — preachers, teachers, elders, deacons, professors of seminaries, missionaries on the mission field; they can be apostles who prophesy, church planters who start churches… there is no limit to what God might call women to — as there is no limit to what God might call men to.

I am a woman and I believe that God has called me to be a preacher, teacher, pastor, shepherd, discipler, missionary, church planter. As I live and breathe, teaching is something I can’t help but do. I WRITE in order to fulfill God’s call for me to teach – in a world where there are not enough opportunities, platforms and encouragement for women to teach. I don’t teach because I know it all (far from it) but rather it’s as though I am swept along by the current of His unrelenting revelation to me which demands to be voiced in one form or another. I am a mouthpiece for the living God, who urges me with deep conviction that if I do not speak, then I am robbing the world of a piece of His heart and thoughts which He wants to be made known.

There are many Christians who say that a woman cannot teach or preach or be a pastor. They really believe that a woman’s place is in the home. Her highest calling is to be a wife and mother. Everything else is secondary –even being a follower of Jesus (though they would never outrightly say it). They believe that for a wife to follow her husband’s call and be her husband’s ‘right hand man’ is God’s will for her life. Period, end of sentence. Forget whatever call He might’ve been leading her to prior to His leading her to her husband. I disagree with all of this and feel sad for these women who live believing that they have less value than their husbands as their whole lives are centered around serving and supporting his needs and his opportunities. They don’t realize (as Lynne Hybels so insightfully points out) that Scripture might call them to die to the self-will, but it never calls them to die to the self that God created them to be (their gifts and passions).

Christ’s resurrection means a new life of freedom for all. It’s a freedom from the bondages of sin and human limitations and discriminations of race, class and gender. It means equality before God. It means receiving an inexplicable inheritance that is for all people. This gospel message is powerful and radical — so much so that it will start a revolution. I want to be on the frontlines of this revolution.

These here are my scratch paper thoughts for this revolution.