Revision

I think there’s nothing more important than revision. When God matures us and leads us to a new vision or better understanding, we must revise our way of thinking even if it’s a complete embarrassment to ourselves. Looking back on my life, I can see so many times when I was sure of a thing and then it turned out differently. I don’t have regrets about following Him down those paths because of the lessons I learned as a result of them, but it’s funny how in the end, it was not as I was so convicted about.

For example, having an egalitarian view for marriage and the church is completely different than what I had taught and been so convinced about for so long. Only a few years ago, you would find me teaching that men should lead and women should follow. I taught it quite passionately — but even so, what always bothered me was that it always required so much defending. I saw the difficulty in the position when it came to couples who didn’t fit the mold. What about couples where the wife is the more naturally gifted leader and the husband, the follower? “Well,” it was explained to me, “the wife needs to hold back and give the husband a chance to lead.” That sounded all right to me theoretically (after all, the wife has the opportunity to ‘deny herself’), but in practical terms, I saw that it just meant that the wife would continue to come up with the ideas and visions and then have to prod and persuade her husband toward those ideas. It becomes a subtle game of manipulation as she convinces him that something was his idea, because if she were to remain silent (in order to not lead), then they would not go anywhere. But as I have seen it, the wife rarely stays silent in this situation. The reality is that most couples end up having a more egalitarian marriage than they would profess. It just wouldn’t work if pure hierarchy was the modus operandi. God really gave women brains, gifts and visions — and without her voicing them, a couple could really miss out on God’s will.

I can see though how despite encountering these real-life obstructions to the complementarian mindset, revision might not take place. When I think of a Christian community which I was involved with for many years, I just think of how its culture is built on the hierarchical way of life, and if things were to change, it could cause the whole structure to crumble.

To revise when God gives you new revelation requires true humility and courage. It means you have to admit you were wrong somewhere — and it means you need courage to step forward in a whole new direction.

But not all revisions have to be the radical opposite of what you believe. It could just be something different.

Like foster parenting. In this past year, God has made aware to my husband and me His call to us to care for those orphans which He speaks so frequently about in the Scriptures – specifically, through becoming foster parents. This, however, is nothing at all what I had ever pictured for myself when I was growing up. Similar to everyone else, I had imagined getting married and having biological children in due course. Being called to take this divergent track has thrown me for a loop. Major revisions have been in order as I have had to realize that we will have a baby for a long while whom we will not be able to ‘keep’ for life (because our foster child may be reunified with his/her biological parents). In addition to that, we will have supervised visits with the biological parents (the thought of which hovers over me as an uncomfortable Unknown). And the most disruptive, unexpected part of it all is that while we we will have this incredible new life enter our lives (a baby! we’re so excited about having a baby!), our families will not really be accepting of it. We will be experiencing something major and exciting, in a radical and breathtaking sort of way — alone. It’s so disappointing to me how alone I have felt on this journey. Everyone naturally rallies around a pregnant woman, offering gifts and services, but only a very small handful have chosen to come alongside us to cheer us on in this. And those do not include the people most important to us — our parents. The reality, though, has helped me understand another important aspect of new visions: when revision has to take place, it has to take place not only within ourselves but in the community around us as well. But what do you do when others don’t revise? I think you just have to move forward in obedience to the Lord and wait patiently for them.