I had a conversation once with a pastor and his wife that I have not seemed to be able to forget. My husband and I had been visiting that church for a few months and considering the possibility of making it our spiritual home. It was important to us, though, that the church valued women in leadership to the same extent that it valued men. So we sat down with the two of them and asked many questions.
And this is what they told us: They were a couple who did ministry together. Women served in all ways in the denomination. Women in the denomination could even serve in a pastoral capacity, but they would not have the title “Pastor”. “And,” said the woman, “I am awfully suspicious of women who are looking for titles anyway. Any time a woman is trying to get the title, it makes me think she is hungry for power. I am happy to serve alongside my husband in full capacity without the title.”
At that time, I was silenced by her statement. I didn’t want to appear to be power-hungry. I wanted to check myself, “Am I power-hungry, Lord?” It seemed so much more humble to not seek a title.
However, much reflection brought me to the conclusion that I am not in fact power-hungry any more than any other man who takes on the same title. Why is a woman declared power-hungry but a man given a complete pass? I wish I could go back to that conversation and ask her that question.
It has been years since this conversation took place. Through all the time that has transpired, I’ve grown into a deeper understanding about this title “Pastor”. I’ve realized that I didn’t start being a pastor when the title was conferred to me by a church or that I will be even more so a pastor when I graduate seminary with my Masters of Divinity. Whether I am in a church-paid position as a pastor or whether my friends and colleagues call me “Pastor MaryAnn” or not, I am still a pastor. It is who I am. And being a pastor is being a shepherd who walks alongside others. It is not, to me, a position of power but of servanthood.
Posted by Sonnet on January 19, 2012 at 7:37 pm
“And being a pastor is being a shepherd who walks alongside others. It is not, to me, a position of power but of servanthood.”
Amen to that! So wanting to be a pastor is NOT a seeking after power but a wish to serve others.
Posted by Marg on January 19, 2012 at 9:35 pm
This is such I good post. It resonates strongly with me.
I also feel that I function as a pastor even though at this point in time I am not officially recognized as such.
Posted by Liz Sykes on January 20, 2012 at 4:06 am
The staggering fact of the conversation is that the pastor’s wife seemed comfortable with accepting the disparity between she and her husband.
This sort of double standard happens all the time and most don’t seem to question.
Posted by Don Johnson on January 20, 2012 at 5:56 am
There are no titles for a leader in a NT congregation, what there are are ministries of service. For example, it is Paul, an apostle, not the Apostle Paul or John, the elder, not the Elder John. It is true that no women should seek a title, this is because no person should seek a title. It is not an office, it is a ministry of service.
Posted by scratchpaperthoughts on January 20, 2012 at 6:43 pm
Agreed!
Posted by rejoyce on February 10, 2012 at 7:26 pm
Truer words haven’t been spoken (or heard) in a long time, thank you, brother.
Posted by Mabel on January 20, 2012 at 6:37 am
I would like to ask churches, what do they mean when they confer the title of Pastor on men? Are these men NOT pastors before the title? Or, as it is normally claimed, these men are “ordained” on recognition of their ministry as a pastor. SO, if a woman functions as a shepherd (remember, 100% of children and youth ministers have to minister to the parents also) , she is not to be recognized? AND, if it is OK for a woman not to be recognized, why is it NOT OK for men to skip the title? As for the concept of “servanthood”, when men serve, they are to be given titles to make that “servanthood” official. When women want their “servanthood” to be recognized, they are power hungry. Does not the accusation in itself admits that being ordained is all about power?
Posted by scratchpaperthoughts on January 20, 2012 at 7:08 pm
I hear you on these questions. I definitely don’t think being ordained is all about power. It’s supposed to indicate affirmation of one’s gift and calling and one’s role as a shepherd to a certain body. While having the “title” may not necessarily be biblical, having the role is (referring back to Don Johnson’s comment). In churches where men have the role and title for this affirmation, women should too. It’s ridiculous that women should be deemed “power hungry” when men are not deemed so in the same vein.
Posted by Ann Bayliss on January 21, 2012 at 12:36 pm
Responding to the next person who says such a thing (and they will) we should all politely say, “I am not a Pastor, Silly. I am a Priest and a royal one too. Pastor is what I do, not who I am.”
Posted by rejoyce on February 10, 2012 at 7:24 pm
“And,” said the woman, “I am awfully suspicious of women who are looking for titles anyway. Any time a woman is trying to get the title, it makes me think she is hungry for power. I am happy to serve alongside my husband in full capacity without the title.”
To me, it’s sad that she equated power as something we want. When all we should want is God to say to us (male or female servants) on that day, “Good and faithful servant, come in.” Our world cares about letters behind names and titles in front of names but we serve a God who loves us for who we are, He knows our name, and doesn’t love those without letters behind or titles in front of their names any less than those who have both. Hallelujah!
I agree with the previous poster who said that pastoring is what some men and women called to do (to some extent), to shepherd, it’s not a title, I guess that pastor’s wife you encountered had it all mixed up. ;o)